‘Ere Dave, what shall we do about ‘Broken Britain’?

Oh, ahem, I, erm, well…

I have just read something appalling.

Now, I must admit that I did read this I the Daily Mirror, but I’m at work, and I work in a local boozer, so we have to have the red tops. Further fact checking aside, today’s paper contains an article about the terrible wages paid to the cleaners, pantry-dining room staff and the like at Eaton College, despite the head master being on a £180k a year salary. And as appalling this definitely is, the most worrying piece of information in the article was the assertion that David Cameron (who, in case you missed it, is currently roaming the country doing his usual PR speeches suggesting ways to fix ‘Broken Britain’ while gesticulating with his usual patronising flair) is the 19th British Prime Minister to be educated there. Now, pardon me if I’m wrong, but how the hell is someone who has spent their entire life happily hidden away dressed in a bow tie and tails, ignoring the poorly paid bastards that keep their immaculate little group of friends clean and fed supposed to have any clue what the hell is going on with the majority of the country? Do they even realise that some people earn a fraction of what they pay to attend this bastion of upper class Englishness per year? And these people still manage to raise children, work, and do their own cooking and cleaning all by themselves.

It seems quite possible that Cameron and his kind only noticed that people were a bit ‘miffed’ when they started lobbing Molotov cocktails through shop windows and nicking stuff. Not that I am defending looting and violence in any way. It just seems that it may have been avoided if the country was run by someone who had at least a vague idea about the majority of people who live in it. And I don’t just mean the poorly paid under-classes, but the working classes, hell, even the middle classes who had so little faith in the running of their country that they decided to clean up the riot mess themselves, and took to the streets, brooms in hand. After all,if you want something doing properly, you’d better do it yourself. Since he was eleven and started having his mess cleaned up by the poorly paid cleaners at Eaton, I doubt Cameron has lifted any domestic object other than the silver spoon he was given into his overfed mouth. And worse than that, he feigned horror and buddied up to those many Britons who condemned the thieves at the riots – prescribing tough measures for our ‘sick society’.

In his speech outside number 10, he spoke about the ‘complete lack of respect shown by these groups of thugs,’ about the ‘mindless selfishness and lack of responsibility’, and about how ‘their rights outweigh their responsibility’. We’ll, as appalling as their behaviour admittedly is, I wonder where they learned that set of values Mr Prime Minister? Maybe it would be a good idea to get off your moral high horse and level some of those judgments at the powerful structures in the UK, like politicians and the press. Although, at least all this ruckus has taken the heat off you and your pals for a while eh? Even your well-paid publicity officers couldn’t have orchestrated a distraction this epic. But just so you know, robbing expenses is just as much theft as nicking trainers from footlocker. You want to strip these ‘gangs’ of their uniform, ban their hoodies and scarves, well maybe we should do the same to you, and ban the dickie bow and the elocution lessons from the Eaton crew. Then we’ll all look the same, and sound the same, and maybe then there won’t be, as you put it, such a ‘culture of fear on our streets’. Although God forbid, you might get mistaken for a normal member of society, and have to pick up a broom and clean up some of the mess on the street yourself, rather than just spouting some well planned PR bullshit about it.

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